Relationships IQ by Wiseman Tony;

Author:Wiseman, Tony;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
Published: 2022-05-26T00:00:00+00:00

By listening this way, instead of arguing, which in effect means looking for the points of disagreement, we can recognise where we agree, where there is common ground.

“Many can argue; not many converses.” – Amos B. Alcott.

When you have a stone in your shoe which irritates you, why would you walk around with it all day without stopping for a moment to remove it? Our beliefs are like that little stone. Often our beliefs cause irritation, hurt, anger, frustration or sadness, and we hang on to them as though stopping to remove them is an acknowledgement that we were wrong to have them in the first place. As we mentioned earlier, we often assume that being right is more important than being happy by enhancing our relationship. Consequently, we struggle to prove our point of view and though we may win the argument, it does not seem to bring happiness in its wake – quite the opposite. We sometimes participate in our relationships on a win-lose basis; for me to win I need to cause my partner to lose. To prove my point of view I will forcibly disprove hers or vice-versa.

Such an approach never works in any relationship. Unless we play on a win-win basis, where both of us win, both of us will invariably lose. There is no way where one partner can win at the expense of the other in a relationship.

Do we both benefit from any belief or not? That is the sole relevant question. When we are willing to consider this question together with our partner for our common good, our automatic thinking ceases to have its hold over us. It loses its potency and a new, clear space is created, where we are able to work on improving our communication and our relationship. Obviously, it requires practice to learn the art but as with any other technique, practice makes perfect.

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